1. Set boundaries related to what you are comfortable talking about
Setting boundaries may be challenging at first, especially if you aren’t used to being that direct with people. But it can set you up for success in future conversations with those you care about.
Examples of some boundaries you can set include:
- I don’t want to talk about diets or weight when we hang out.
- Talking about diets and losing weight is really triggering to me—can you please avoid talking to me about them?
- I’m working on embracing body positivity/neutrality right now, and talking about weight, physical appearance, and body size isn’t helpful for me.
It may take some practice before you’re able to assert yourself firmly with someone. But it gets easier over time, the more you do it. You’ll be glad you did once that person avoids these harmful, triggering comments in the future. If they continue to cross your boundaries, you may want to consider distancing yourself from them or surrounding yourself with people who respect your needs.
2. Change the subject
If you aren’t ready to set a firm boundary yet but want to shift the focus away from weight or diet, you can always change the subject. This might feel awkward at first, but, like boundary-setting, it's a great skill you can improve over time.
When examining how to talk about eating disorders, know that you have every right to not talk about your eating, weight, or body, or those topics in general, and can choose who you let in, and how much you let them in. This can change from moment to moment and day to day, depending on who makes you feel safe or your own energy levels around the topic.
If you find a natural transition point for the conversation, that’s great. If not, you can always prompt a topic change by asking a question, sharing news, or saying, “Anyway, I’ve been hoping to talk to you about…”
Sometimes changing the subject can feel intimidating. In those cases, you could temporarily separate yourself from the conversation by excusing yourself to go to the bathroom. When you return, you may find the subject has already been changed, or you can bring up something new.
3. Set an example by talking about yourself kindly
Although this strategy may be less direct, it could help your loved one be kinder to themselves over time.
Set an example by discussing your approach to intuitive eating, mindful eating, body neutrality or positivity, joyful movement, and Health At Every Size® (HAES®). Share how you’re not into talking negatively about your body, your eating habits, and how you move your body anymore. Or how you’ve shifted your focus away from how you look to how you feel. And that you engage in activities and practices that make you feel good. And how much better you feel about yourself and in general, as a result.
Simply introducing these ideas can communicate to someone that you don’t advocate diet culture, fatphobia, or weight stigma. They may be less likely to discuss weight-loss strategies or fad diets in your presence moving forward. They may also become interested in these approaches, which could open the door to future positive, productive conversations.
Unfortunately, you will find that some people won’t pick up on your cues and will continue to talk about stigmatizing topics, even when you’re doing everything in your power to steer the conversation to healthier topics. If your friend or family member doesn’t change their behavior, you may need to be more direct and set boundaries.
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4. Gently challenge their false beliefs around body image, weight, and dieting
Sometimes there is an opening in the conversation to challenge your loved one’s false beliefs about body image, weight (including weight gain), and dieting. You don’t have to go this route, as it can be mentally and emotionally exhausting to constantly educate others. But it is an option if you think it’ll be productive or helpful.
For example, if someone at a dinner party makes a comment labeling a dessert as “bad,” you could ask them why they think it’s bad or why they’ve labeled some food as “good” and some as “bad”. You could also point out that nothing is inherently bad about it and that there’s nothing wrong with eating something that tastes delicious. This might open the conversation to further discussion of the moralization of food and how harmful it can be for everyone.
This tip is best used on a case-by-case basis. Remember, it’s important to check in with yourself and your emotional capacity regularly. There are certain people in your life who you know may be beyond this type of confrontation, while others may be open to a productive conversation about diet culture.
5. Talk about what works or doesn’t work for you
If you don’t necessarily want to challenge a loved one’s beliefs, you could choose to center yourself and your experiences when replying to harmful comments. For example, if a loved one comments on how much you’re eating, you could explain that you used to limit how much you ate, but you found that it made you obsessive about food and was harmful for your mental health.
You could explain that you now take an intuitive eating approach to food consumption, introduce the concept, and explain how it works well for you. Your loved one can’t argue with what works for you, and even if they try to, you can shrug them off, excuse yourself, or set a hard boundary.
6. Create a supportive, anti-diet community
A strong and positive support system is essential for everyone, but especially for those in eating disorder recovery. Without adequate support from anti-diet, body-positive people, recovery can feel isolating and even scary at times.
Surrounding yourself with like-minded people who embrace your attitudes, beliefs, and approaches can help prevent relapse, promote social and emotional well-being, and remind you how far you’ve come on your journey.
It is beneficial to create a supportive community both offline and online. Stop following harmful social media accounts, such as fitness influencers or TikTokers promoting disordered eating behaviors. Instead, follow body-positive and body-neutral accounts and join any online communities that interest you.
The more you surround yourself with anti-diet people who reject our culture’s harmful attitudes, the less likely you are to be influenced by weight-related talk when it does happen to come up in conversation.
Eating disorder treatment at home
If it's time to seek treatment, know that there are several options available to you, depending on the level of care you require. Within offers enhanced intensive outpatient and partial hospitalization programs that are fully remote, allowing you to receive treatment while living your life.
Remote treatment is accessed virtually through an easy-to-use app and will address any other mental illness or mental health conditions that you may be dealing with simultaneously.
Treatment for common eating disorders
Whether you're dealing with common eating disorders, such as binge eating disorder or anorexia nervosa, or others that fall into restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID) or avoidant restrictive food intake (ARFID), Within can help.
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