Emotion regulation techniques for patients with eating disorders and co-occurring mood disorders
Occasionally, when explaining dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) skills, particularly emotion regulation and distress tolerance, people will respond, “Doesn’t everyone know how to do that?” The short answer is, no, they don’t.
When we build skills as children, we rely on caregivers to model, teach, and reinforce healthy coping skills. However, not every caregiver has the foundation or resources to model and support skills this way, especially if they didn’t receive this support themselves when they were younger. When considering the difference between emotion regulation and distress tolerance, we can consider emotion regulation skills as the steady foundation for our everyday lives and distress tolerance skills as the skills we use to get through a situation without making it worse.
To give you a sense of how emotion regulation skills work, imagine you are in a store and you see a toddler having a meltdown after being told they can’t have a new toy. Their caregiver is next to them, trying to manage the situation. This response could take many forms, from yelling or threatening to more skillful responses. Imagine the caregiver calmly getting down on the child’s level and saying, “Wow, it seems like you’re really angry about not getting that toy. I would be upset if there was something I really wanted and I was told I couldn’t have.”
In these two short sentences, the parent has modeled several skills:
- Labeling the emotion (anger)
- Validation (why the feeling makes sense)
- A steady presence, not taking on the child’s distress (getting down on their level, staying calm)
If you are a caregiver and have been in this situation, you know how distressing it can be to have to manage this—this type of response is not always easy. To be able to respond this way, we need to zoom out and consider what allows a caregiver to have the resources to respond in an effective manner.