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Shame is a feeling of humiliation or embarrassment caused by the feeling of having done something immoral, improper, or dishonorable.
It’s theorized that humans feel shame because it provided an evolutionary advantage over our early ancestors.2 For example, shame can promote a group's well-being by encouraging individuals to adhere to social norms and moral behaviors and prevent the adverse effects of social rejection.3
However, while the origins of shame play a role in the survival of our species, when shame becomes chronic, it can make a person feel flawed or unworthy. Shame can become extremely harmful when internalized and results in a harmful evaluation of oneself as a whole, e.g., “I am a bad person.”
The symptoms and behaviors of shame include:1,4
Shame originates from the Old English “scamu” or “sceomu” and has several meanings, including “a painful feeling of guilt or disgrace; confusion caused by shame; state of being in disgrace; and loss of esteem or reputation.”
The meaning of shame has evolved over time. In the 1300s, it meant “modesty, shyness, and regard for propriety or decency,” but by the 1580s, it became a “thing or person to be ashamed of.” By the time we enter the 20th century, “shame culture” is firmly established, one understanding of which is a culture in which a person’s primary emotional response to a transgression is a reduced sense of self-worth.5
The primary views of shame, according to “The Descent of Shame” by Heidi Maiborn, include:1
Shame is typically caused by a failure to live up to:1
Not any audience can make someone feel ashamed; it must be a group of peers or respected others, or even simply the social group that person is part of.1 Importantly, the audience can be real or imagined.
People sometimes speak of guilt and shame as if they are the same thing, but they are not. Like shame, guilt occurs when we violate ethical, moral, social, or religious norms and criticize ourselves for it.
The difference is when we feel shame, we see ourselves in a negative light, e.g., “I’m a bad person,” whereas when we feel guilt, we see a particular action as negative, e.g., “I did a bad thing.” We feel guilt because our actions affected someone else, and we feel responsible.2
Healthy shame is a normal and adaptive emotion that can act as a moral compass, helping us to see when we have done something wrong, e.g., shame after telling a lie. Healthy shame has numerous purposes. It:6
By contrast, unhealthy shame is when we allow ourselves to be defined by a perceived weakness or something we have no control over. Unhealthy shame is a state of being that comes about through experiences such as:6
People with eating disorders experience a myriad of conflicting and competing emotions, one of which is shame. Often, they feel ashamed of their disordered eating behaviors, their body shape and size, and even their wants and needs in life.7
A review of the research suggests that body shame and shame around eating are the types of shame most closely tied to eating disorder symptoms. This suggests that targeting these types of shame in interventions might be highly beneficial.8
Normative discontent is a term used to describe the widespread weight dissatisfaction in today’s society. It is a feeling of constant unhappiness with our bodies, which leaves us in an endless state of self-sabotage and self-hate.
The word “normative” suggests that body dissatisfaction and unhappiness with ourselves are normal. Feeling negative about our appearance becomes a way of life and becomes a very constrictive mindset.9
A large-scale study of 33,000 women found that 75% of participants considered themselves “fat,” only 25% were above the “normal” weight, and 30% were under the recommended weight.9
Weight stigma (or weight bias) and shame are closely intertwined. Weight stigma is the discrimination or stereotyping of someone based on their weight, especially “large” or “thin” people. It reflects internalized attitudes towards body size that affect how those who are the targets are treated.
A stigmatized person can experience prejudice, discrimination, and oppression, which can lead to them developing a devalued social identity.
Weight stigma is on the rise and occurs in school, work, in the media, within interpersonal relationships, and even in health care settings.10 It’s incredibly pervasive and prevalent in our society, with recent studies showing:
Experiencing weight stigma can have serious social, physical, and psychological effects. Regardless of size, weight stigma leads to a decrease in health-seeking behaviors and a weight increase over time. Furthermore, individuals of all body sizes who experience weight stigma are more likely to engage in disordered eating behaviors, such as binge eating.14
Weight stigma also increases the risk for psychological problems, including anxiety, depression, substance use, and suicidality, particularly when weight bias becomes internalized and a person begins to self-stigmatize.14
Body shaming and weight stigma can lead to a shame cycle in eating disorders, where shame causes restriction, leading to bingeing or purging before the cycle begins again. However, there are several ways that a person can develop shame resilience. There are four elements of shame resilience:15
You can learn more about shame resilience through the pioneering work of research professor Brene Brown.
Regardless of size and shape, despite the burden of shame, we all deserve to enjoy food and our relationship with ourselves.